This is a photograph of marriage in the 1960s although not Roderick and I. He took my teenage photo album, which held our wedding photographs and the rest of the photos I had kept.
I had a similar dress on. lace over a pale blue dress. I had bought it in Amarillo Texas. Frances dug a little hat for me to wear as I was not allowed time to bathe, wash and curl my hair. My hair was oily and looked atrocious, and I had no bouquet of flowers.
We traveled to Amarillo Texas and checked into a cheap motel near the edge of town, where he took me to meet an aunt and uncle of his who lived there. Whoopie!! How exciting, that’s all we did. The next day we drove to Raton New Mexico and stayed at his mom and dads. Whoopee!!! The excitement never ended.
The first day we woke up in our rented apartment He made a threat. “If you ever leave me you will have nothing! I will take your clothes and everything you have nothing! WOW! What a rat I had married.
Ten months later our son Mark was born. He was determined to have a child immediately. What? Another way to tie me to him. Two and a half years later we had Coleen.
One year later I was ‘with child’ again. My plan had been to wait four years and have two more children. Unfortunately, my pregnancy was miserable. Roderick never lifted a hand to help me, I was sick and felt my baby was in stress and pain. I had to lean on the kitchen cabinet to fix food. Those two babies ate a lot of yummy cinnamon toast. I did laundry and all the things that I had to do. I did not know how to reach out for help. As always God was with me.
I tried to voice this to my doctor, but could not find the right words. Back then they could do nothing to help a fetus in trouble. My Precious baby was stillborn. A mother grieves so when this happens, I was also so very ill as the nurse the week before thought she had heard a heartbeat, but she did not. She felt she was to blame for all the problems during and after the time my body tried to expel his body.
I called Roderick’s place of business. Poncia wholesale. the wife who owned this business along with her husband answered the phone, I ask to speak to him and hung up as he was already out on his route.
A few minutes later she was knocking on my door. She immediately bundled the children and me into her car to take to see my doctor, who told me to get to the hospital. When we arrived at the front desk my doctor appeared, he was looking for me. the ‘birth’ was extremely difficult.
I was unable to have another child afterward. Things happened I or my doctor had no control over.
It took many years for the sorrows to heal. I felt guilty over the suffering my baby must have had. I named him Michael. I know he is in paradise with my Heavenly Father and all is well with him. I shall see him some along with the babies I lost when Charles had an unscrupulous doctor perform abortions on me.
Too, Too depressing.