Difficult to write about

As it is far and in between, there are a few people who do read my blog.  It becomes, for me and has from my first blog been an exercise to be rid of the past demons in my life. To put my mind to rest even more than it has already become so. By the Grace of God, I now have someone who loves and cherishes me. My husband, Michael, who also spoils me like crazy.

Were there ever demons in my life? Yes, from that part of the community who gathered together to worship satan to the pedophiles Charles sold me too, there were many.

Birdie was the leader of the pack! of the satan worshipers. They did work hard to break my spirit, but as I have said before, you cannot break a child who from the first world age, has loved and adored our creator.

One of my memories during therapy was of a group of clothed people standing and laughing at me a young child, as I (humiliatingly naked) was being kicked by my grandmom, Birdie. I had to have been drugged as I tried to get away from her my arms and legs could not respond to my attempts to crawl away.

Dr. Singer had told me after he had broken through my suicidal tendencies and life long depression, I could be in therapy the rest of my life and not remember all the abuse, to know enough to live my life free of the results of that abuse and see him on a, as needed basis when something cropped up as a stumbling block to come and see him. What a good and wise man. Another blessing from Yahava

When I finally started school that was another miserable experience. I had Mrs. Southerlyn for my first and second-grade teacher and her daughter-in-law Mrs. Bond for my second and third-grade teacher. Here in first grade, we had a boringly slow curriculum. See Spot. See Spot run. for weeks it dragged on. And yet every time I was called on to answer a question I was told I was wrong and humiliated in front of my peers until I was so afraid of my teacher I failed to ask to be excused to go to the bathroom. I peed in my seat. wearing a dress always, I was ignored as I went to the sink in the far corner of the room for wet towels to clean my seat. Needless to say, I had no little girlfriends at school. I was very lonely.

As an adult, Frances did say, “Pat was so excited about starting school, but she was not after she did start. Well duh! Why would a mother see that and not do something about it? Of course, I know why. If I was depressed and unhappy so much the better for her.

After spending a year in school in California while in the third grade and making good grades, I was back in New Mexico for the fourth grade. Mrs. Bond sent a note home to Frances asking her to come and see her. By this time I was again wrong anytime I was called on in class and had started writing down the opposite answer to what I thought was the right answer. In consequence, every answer was wrong. As Frances never looked over my homework, she may have been unaware this was going on.

When she saw Mrs. Bond she was told, “I am not supposed to show you Pats I.Q. test, but she failed it”. However, she did word this to Frances I do not know.

This does make me wonder if those two were of the satanic worshipers or not. That group of people who worked to make me become one of them or if perhaps this was due to something Frances had done to make them that revengeful. SHE thought it was against her. But one thing I do remember was her often telling me no one had ever suffered as much as she had, and she would tell me about how she had to carry a big ole hankie around and blow her nose a lot! AND she could not run and play games. OH! MY! The awful perils of that woman’s childhood!

Suddenly this was all about Frances having given birth to an idiot daughter. Not going to fly. As she told me this story after I was grown, she immediately went to the principal and discussed this with him.

The one thing I have always remembered was that principal coming in and taking over my class and calling on me, as I gave him the correct answers I found acceptance. From having spent a year in the far away state I had come home to be accepted by my classmates, where I had not been before. I was a celebrity. School life at Porter became easier. Thank God.

We must always remember God does not ever cause our trials and tribulations on this earth, He does give us the strength to survive and overcome them. He also has given miracles to his children to those in need of them. I have seen many myself and been told, by others of the miracles they have experienced.

Patricia

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